Fic: An Endless Moment (Supernatural)

[crime_and_ink]

Title: An Endless Moment
Author: sin_stained_ink
Rating: R.
Genre and/or Pairing: Sam/Gabriel.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Breathplay. 
Word Count: 578
Summary: Sam helps Gabriel find what he’s searching for.
Notes: AU after Changing Channels. For my kink_bingo card. Depending on if I end up getting a bingo or not, this is either going to be for the ‘breathplay’ square, or the ‘wild card’.

Gabriel's the only person Sam's ever met who gets off on being choked. Well, choked isn't really the right word for it -- is it still choking when the person whose throat you have your hands around doesn't need to breathe? -- but Sam can never stop thinking about how, if Gabriel was human, this could kill him. Gabriel doesn't care. The one time Sam brought it up, Gabriel rolled his eyes and pointed out that it couldn't be an issue if there's no chance of either one of them dying.

Sam can't help but think that Gabriel possibly gets off on feeling like he's about to die, and it's less of a surprise than he expects it to be.

Sam can't imagine what it would be like, remembering every single second of your life and knowing that the rest stretches out in front of you, potentially limitless, potentially cold, dark, empty and lonely.

"This is insane," Sam whispers, because it really is. He doesn't even like Gabriel: the archangel's a dick at the best of times and a psychopath at the worst -- Sam thought that what Gabriel did to those people at the college was bad until he saw what Gabriel did to the angel who massacred pagan gods because she had an (incorrect) hunch that they'd met the Winchesters. They’d thought the walls had been painted and the paint was still wet until they’d smelled the blood.

Sam presses a little harder, using his free hand to tilt Gabriel’s head back when he gasps. The small movement of Gabriel’s throat when he struggles to swallow almost makes him loosen his grip before Gabriel grabs his hand and holds it there; his eyes are wide and promising danger or rewards depending on what he does.

Angels can’t be killed by strangulation, Sam remembers belatedly. This isn’t going to kill Gabriel, and it probably can’t hurt him for any length of time. Sam’s been choked before and he knows what it’s like: that endless second where you know you’re going to die, when it’s all going to be over and it’s something terrifying and beautiful before the bottom drops out of your stomach and it’s the end.

That’s what Gabriel’s looking for. That moment that lasts forever before you die. After all, angels can live forever, can't they?

Sam presses harder and tries not to think about dying. Gabriel’s giving him what he needs, and the only thing he can think of to do is to give him the same in return.

Beneath him, Gabriel chokes and then there’s nothing. Gabriel closes his eyes and there’s complete silence. Sam can’t even hear his own breathing, and his pounding heart is suddenly silent. He sees the exact second it happens, when Gabriel finds what he’s searching for. That endless moment between life and death. The silence closes in around them until Gabriel thrusts his hips up, coming with a soundless gasp.

He doesn’t move for a while, listening to Gabriel’s breathing changing from desperate and almost grateful to slow, even and the look on his face is almost disappointed.

“Thanks,” Gabriel says quietly, voice raw and low. Grateful.

Sam sees the bruise already beginning to bloom as he removes his hand, and he seriously considers watching it grow and darken before he remembers their agreement. Sex, but no attachment afterwards, no matter what sort.

His fingers twitch with the urge to touch, but Sam doesn’t move.